Feelings and why we are afraid of them

We are often afraid of our feelings because they can make us feel out of control. Growing up, frequently we are taught to avoid certain feelings like fear, anger, worry, sadness or guilt and as a result, we do not learn healthy ways to respond to them. Sometimes through our past experiences we learn that we shouldn’t be feeling what we are feeling, or that the feeling is so frightening that we should try to stop it or prevent it.
When we are facing difficult or painful emotions, often our first impulse is to block them or put ourselves down for feeling them. When we avoid or block our feelings, they can come out in other, not very healthy ways (destructive anger, despair or numbness). Or, you might find that you become overwhelmed by feelings and act impulsively to cope with them (self-harm, addictions, eating disorders, etc.). When we learn to block or to stop ourselves from feeling by numbing, spacing out, or by distracting with activities or self-talk,  the original emotion does not get resolved and the feeling lingers.

By learning how to get in touch with your emotions, figuring out how to relate to your feelings in accepting and healthy ways, you can learn to live your life to the fullest, to pursue goals that you value rather than ones that help you to keep you emotions at bay.

Emotions could be our signposts. If the feelings are painful or scary, we fear them, we avoid them, we suppress them…….but…….they can lead us to what is really important, they signal that we need to slow down, allow ourselves to feel and learn that we can cope with the emotion and we are going to be okay.